Figured that mIRC was missing something, something amazing and lewd so I decided to find a cyber-sex chat room and see what I could come up with. I’m no genuine comedy goldmine but it was interesting to see how the perverts on there would react so just for your viewing pleasure, Here’s some conversations that made me chortle.

The sexual deviance - I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that; but we do have hints of it but in a more psychological way and therefore more human way, arguably. Or certainly to the extent that the animated series takes that sexuality.

—Marton Csokas

Lets talk to perverts part - 12

  • <big1_4u> hyhy</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Hello there.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> a/s/l?</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> 19/f/Liverpool</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> nce</big1_4u>
  • <big1_4u> 39/m/London</big1_4u>
  • <big1_4u> u like 2 hv sex?</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> HV sex? is that some sort of weird fetish?</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> no i meen have sex. do u like 2 have sex?</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Not sure, I have strange tastes.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> u wud like sex w/ me.</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> WOuld I really?</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> yeh u wud. i hv a big tunge i cud eat u out 4 hours</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> I could eat you out for hours too.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> im a man u cudnt do dat 2 me</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> I thought we were talking about food here.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> wot do u wont me 2 do</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> I want you to finger your anus and then shove in a glass bottle and then jerk off and then scour your face with wire wool while I watch and drink milk.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> um....................</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Or we could go out and find animals to kill. Any fields near your place? Sheep are the best, they squeal.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> u kill animals. dat turns u on?</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Ah fuck yeah! I would also like you to slap your dick off a cow's head or something. I like watching men slap their dick of random things. A cow, a sheep, a bottle of bleach, a countertop. Sexy!</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> i wud do dat but i wudnt kill animals 4 u.</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> How about if I kill the animals and you slap your dick off them while I do it?</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> i hv 2 go. </big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Fucking pussy.</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> no im not a pussy. i hv 2 go</big1_4u>
  • <big1_4u> do u hv an email?</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Yeah sure it's animalsatanblood69@hotmail.com</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> u wont 2 meet up?</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> Yeah sure and maybe you can buy a kitten or something so I can shove it up your arse?</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> nt in2 dat.</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann>So why do you want to email me then?</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> dont no.</big1_4u>
  • <lee-ann> And here's me thinking I'm a fucking sick and twisted weirdo! Haha!</lee-ann>
  • <big1_4u> by</big1_4u>

Lets talk to perverts part - 11

  • <kolderking> miss your boobs are popping out your bra</kolderking>
  • <me> they are? Thats strange</me>
  • <me> I have no boobs</me>
  • <me> I have pecs though</me>
  • <me> are you saying that I am a female!?!</me>
  • <kolderking> mmmmmm well</kolderking>
  • <kolderking> if your name is Lee-ann</kolderking>
  • <kolderking> i’d expect a female</kolderking>
  • <me> It’s lee</me>
  • <me> ann is my bitches name</me>
  • <kolderking> hahaha</kolderking>
  • <kolderking> in that case….</kolderking>
  • <kolderking> i’m sorry</kolderking>
  • <kolderking> hehehe</kolderking>
  • <me> It’s alright</me>
  • <me> I can still wank off in front of you if you have a webcam? </me>
  • <kolderking> nooooo i’m sorry…..i’d rather see some titties</kolderking>
  • <me> You can still see my pecs</me>
  • <me> I have nice pecs</me>
  • <kolderking> nooooo female titties</kolderking>
  • <kolderking> soft ones</kolderking>
  • <me> Yeah but I can make mine move</me>
  • <me> bitches can’t do that</me>
  • <kolderking> hahaha, stop it dude…..i’m not interested</kolderking>
  • <me> Really?</me>
  • <me> I’m well hung</me>
  • <me> I bet you would be jealous of my manhood</me>

Lets talk to perverts part - 10

  • <handsome_rp> hello</handsome_rp>
  • <handsome_rp> how are you</handsome_rp>
  • <handsome_rp> into roleplays?</handsome_rp>
  • <me> What kind of roleplays?</me>
  • <handsome_rp> what are you into ?</handsome_rp>
  • <handsome_rp> have some scenario</handsome_rp>
  • * Handsome_Rp is 25 male Alex
  • <me> I like been told I’m naughty</me>
  • <me> and been hit with cold cuts</me>
  • <me> like venison or steak</me>
  • <handsome_rp> you like me and my picture?</handsome_rp>
  • * Handsome_Rp young handsome good looking guy , wearing blue jeans and white t shirt, sees you shopping alone in the lingerie store as you are staring at new thongs, moves closer and stops by you, smiles as talks”hey..you should try black one..”
  • <me> Yeah you’re alright</me>
  • * me walks out wearing ground beef and asks if she looks sexy
  • * Handsome_Rp smiles , “” i’m sure you will look gorgeous in black one,
  • <handsome_rp> ?)</handsome_rp>
  • * me wants you to slap her with cold cuts
  • <handsome_rp> I’m not into meat……. bye</handsome_rp>

Lets talk to perverts part - 9

  • <legendary> hi</legendary>
  • <legendary> how are you?</legendary>
  • <legendary> if you interested; 33 male here with webcam!!!</legendary>
  • <me> WOW!</me>
  • <me> A webcam!</me>
  • <me> Sweet!</me>
  • <me> I love webcams!</me>
  • <legendary> thx</legendary>
  • <legendary> would you like watch me?</legendary>
  • <legendary> what about your age and sex?</legendary>
  • <me> watch you? Oh wow yeah! Only if you put things in your butt!</me>
  • <me> Yeah I’m liek 40 years old</me>
  • <me> I love watching gays!</me>
  • <legendary> sorry, i don’t show to my ass</legendary>
  • <me> Why not?</me>
  • <me> I love mens buns</me>
  • <me> I bet they’re pert and steely</me>
  • <me> I bet you pucker lovely</me>
  • <legendary> if i see you on cam and if you are a woman.. maybe, i’ll can show then</legendary>
  • <me> I wish I was a woman now</me>
  • <legendary> are you a male?</legendary>
  • <me> Errr…. no</me>
  • <me> yes</me>
  • <me> okay you got me</me>
  • <legendary> are you a male or female?</legendary>
  • <me> Honey</me>
  • <me> I can be anyone you want</me>
  • <legendary> sorry, i look only females</legendary>
  • <me> Why?</me>
  • <me> Man variety is the spice of life</me>
  • <me> I can dance too!</me>
  • <me> bitches can’t dance like I do!</me>
  • <me> Hahahahaa!</me>
  • <legendary> so, i’m straight guy</legendary>
  • <me> So am I!</me>
  • <me> I just like looking at gay men</me>
  • <legendary> but, i’m not gay</legendary>
  • <me> Yeah so?</me>
  • <me> DOes it matter?</me>

Lets talk to perverts part - 8

  • <dawoodali> what do you want?</dawoodali>
  • <me> A cheeseburger</me>
  • <dawoodali> hmmm</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> what about if i will give cheeseburger arabic ;)</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> cheese will be melted but fresh</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> but need to shake well before use;)</dawoodali>
  • <me> sounds like I could be catching more than ecoli from that burger if I ate it</me>
  • <dawoodali> :))</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> not for eat</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> but you can taset it</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> but you can try to eat with your mouth with your teeths</dawoodali>
  • <me> Yeah? Thats good because i have no teeth anyway. I was so worried people would be bisaed to me because I lost my teeth. Thank you!</me>
  • <dawoodali> i was joking</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> dont want to hurt you</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> i was referring to your lips where you dont have teeths (between your legs)</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> are you busy or bored?</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> i want to mastubate now</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> do you want to stay with me ?</dawoodali>
  • <me> I have something wrong with my vagina</me>
  • <dawoodali> periods?</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> if you like we can see bodies without faces on web cam</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> ok?</dawoodali>
  • <me> My vagina has a penis too</me>
  • <dawoodali> i understand</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> thanks for yoru time</dawoodali>
  • <dawoodali> take care :)</dawoodali>

Lets talk to perverts part - 7

  • <_depeche_> hi</_depeche_>
  • <me> hello</me>
  • <me> depeche mode</me>
  • <me> ?</me>
  • <me> You like S&M don’t you</me>
  • <me> they sing about that shit</me>
  • <_depeche_> yes depeche mode</_depeche_>
  • <_depeche_> s&m?</_depeche_>
  • <me> sado massochism</me>
  • <me> so your not into that</me>
  • <me> ?</me>
  • <_depeche_> no i m not</_depeche_>
  • <me> Thats a shame</me>
  • <_depeche_> why?</_depeche_>
  • <_depeche_> you are into?</_depeche_>
  • <_depeche_> ?</_depeche_>
  • <me> Oh yeah!</me>
  • <me> I love it when a man wrestles me like on WWE smackdown</me>
  • <me> hits me with chairs</me>
  • <me> slams me through tables</me>
  • <_depeche_> good for u</_depeche_>
  • <me> I have muscley tits</me>
  • <me> I love my boobs</me>
  • <me> they’re like pecs</me>
  • <_depeche_> im sorry u r not my type</_depeche_>

Lets talk to perverts part - 6

  • <xxlarge> hi</xxlarge>
  • <me> hello</me>
  • <xxlarge> how r u</xxlarge>
  • <me> whats the xx for on your nickname? =P</me>
  • <me> Yeah I’m cool</me>
  • <xxlarge> cock size</xxlarge>
  • <xxlarge> :)</xxlarge>
  • <xxlarge> asl pls</xxlarge>
  • <me> 68/f/nirobi</me>
  • <xxlarge> r u 68 years old</xxlarge>
  • <me> yeah I am</me>
  • <me> I look younger though</me>
  • <me> everyone says that I look about 50</me>
  • <xxlarge> do u have pic</xxlarge>
  • <me> Not on here</me>
  • <me> how old are you?</me>
  • <xxlarge> 32</xxlarge>
  • <me> You’re a bit young for me lovie</me>
  • <xxlarge> yes</xxlarge>

Lets talk to perverts part - 5

  • <m> hi</m>
  • <m> hi</m>
  • <me> hello</me>
  • <m> hi</m>
  • <m> m here</m>
  • <me> Hello, me here</me>
  • <me> sorry english bad</me>
  • <m> hi</m>
  • <m> asl?</m>
  • <m> no prob</m>
  • <me> 17/f/Hungary</me>
  • <me> you</me>
  • <m> nice teen</m>
  • <m> 25 m london</m>
  • <m> pic</m>
  • <m> i wanna see u</m>
  • <m> r u there</m>
  • <m> i wanna see u</m>
  • <me> really</me>
  • <me> thnx</me>
  • <m> yea can i</m>
  • <me> I must warn you, I have a lazy eye</me>

Lets talk to perverts part - 3

  • <red-> hi</red->
  • <me> hello</me>
  • <red-> how are you</red->
  • <red-> asl?</red->
  • <me> 90/male/france</me>
  • <red-> bye</red->